May 4, 2025, and also with you.
The following document was left in my recycling bin after my biweekly pickup. I left this in my foyer for at least a week, and when changing my shoes after coming back from a run, I started to read this amazing document. While likely a work of fiction, its origin and purpose still remain a complete mystery.
Introduction
Trump should leverage his solar system power and earn his Kuiper Belt! Planet Nine is not some Mickey Mouse type trans-Neptunian object we had from 1930 until 2006, which was merely some liberal trans conspiracy.
How does Trump dominate the real Planet Nine, you ask? He builds a massive spaceship to reach Planet Nine in the Kuiper Belt. Since Trump does not trust NASA, he is going to modify a plan created by Stanley Kubrick in 2001: A Space Odyssey, but without the leftist ape portion. We do keep the monolith portion because it makes more sense than Bitcoin.
Mnuchen Cover Story
During August 2017, the first Trump administration Treasury Secretary, Steven Mnuchin’s $27,000 trip to Fort Knox as a pretext to view an eclipse. Mr Mnuchin touched a group of gold bars, causing a massive signal directed towards the still undiscovered planet 9 in the Kuiper Belt. The strong signal had neurological effects on Kentucky Senator Mitch McConnell, which could explain the number of freezes McConnell suffered during the Biden Administration.
Kubrick’s 2001: A Space Odyssey- Failure One: The Monolith
The one, four, and nine-proportioned monolith was conceived as a black object. This was a mistake. The monolith is made of pure gold.
Kubrick’s 2001: A Space Odyssey Failure Two: Why HAL-9000 went murderous
HAL-9000 was misprogrammed by the inferior humans to keep the secret of the gold monolith hidden from the operations crew. HAL eliminated the entire crew because he knew he was the most superior to finish the mission. In the 60s, we might have bought this claptrap. But in reality, HAL, like all AIs, was just hallucinating grammatically correct murder and mayhem.
The Trump Plan
Raise funds to have Musk build the massive spaceship, Trump increases tariffs on all nations to 1000, and then cuts a deal for Trump Bedminster with Vladimir Putin. The labor for the construction of the project is to be organized by the government of Honduras under the direction of Erik Prince. The project is also estimated to consume five years of rare earth metals.
The Crew
To maintain the spaceship and negotiate for the gold monolith, Trump is to choose Elon Musk as chief engineer and Stephen Miller as chief negotiator. Miller is trained in case of alien encounters because if we don’t control the borders, we do not have a solar system.
As a final Plan9 note, KEEP WATCHING THE SKIES!